...that's me! At least, that is how I feel now. And for those of you sans-ESV Bibles (Im sure other versions use it to), I do not mean sexual promiscuity. Thats what it means, too. But I am referring to our relationship with our Creator God, and my ability to place others (namely my husband) in His rightful place.
Right now, I am in the "woe-is-me" mood. Translation: Scott just left for another week in Orlando (5 weeks to go!); and life sucks. But, it doesn't. I KNOW God is the Creator. I KNOW God is sovereignly working all for His good, and I THINK this is a lesson for me to need Scott less than I need the Lord.
In Mark 9, Jesus is healing a boy with unclean spirits. Jesus tells the father that all things are possible for those who believe, and the father's response is "I believe; help my unbelief!" This is how I feel. I KNOW this is true:
The Lord is the everlasting God,the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary;his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint,and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40)
But I need to believe that strength comes from the LORD. And I don't NEED Scott; I want Scott, and my affection for him is a Godly desire (but not a need). But my sinful heart NEEDS a Savior. And I have been given one, so I should be grateful and fall at His throne, praising my Creator for who He is, not what he can do. The simple fact is God is Holy. Period. I am not, Scott is not.
We have been reading through Hosea, prompted by my bible study on Monday nights. The book mentioned it and all the ladies and I were appalled at our constant whoredom concerning our Loving God. Hosea is commanded to marry a womoan known for her promiscuity (sexually), so that he can see God's love for his people. Hosea does so, and his life is full of his constant love for his wife who bears children that aren;t Hosea's and plays the whore with other men. Every time she comes back to Hosea, he loves her unconditionally. Sound familiar? I know my God does the same for me. Praise God that my sinful heart can be loved by the msot Holy God.
Shane said it well this morning (Thank you, Lord, for my pastor!): "despite all of our wickedness, God does not forsake us but shows mercy."
Thank you, Jesus, for your mercy towards me, a harlot who places others in your place. Thank you for your mercy when I cry, and for showing me that I need people less than you. Thank you for the strength you provide when I dont deserve it. Amen.
PS... Rigby found a new bed: mine. Its cute... but dont tell Scott. :)
Off to make a rosary for Seth...
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I Heart Scott
So, I am a little irked by something that happened today. I shared to my coworkers a prayer-request during our mandatory devotion that Scott will be out of town for 2 months, this is the first time we have been apart for any length of time, and that we could both use some encouragement. A coworker replied, "Dont worry, one day you'll love it when he's gone!" I realize this is a casual, funny response but I feel like I hear it too often from married people older than myself. I think we really should be careful how we speak. Myself included! And, mind you, this coworker is fabulously wonderful and a sweet, sweet Christian woman who was just trying to make me smile. And, Im sure I have said similar things.
I think what ultimately worries me is how lightly we take our marriages. My dearest friend Cat and I have been discussing the rampant adultery we have been seeing all too often in people we know's marriages. It just makes me absolutely sick. I know it is only by the grace of God that Scott and I continue to be faithful and love each other more every day, and that is what I pray in everyone's marriages. I just hate that adultery is out there, along with other marital issues. I think this is in Reforming Marriage(and this is often said): Men are always willing to abdicate (give up) their role, and women are always willing to take it. I am so, so weary of men who abdicate their role as a father and a husband, leaving the women to pick up the pieces. I have to pray against being angry at these men. That kind of abdication is unbiblical (as is my anger!). And I am also weary of women thinking independently from their husbands (also unbiblical). Upon marriage, we are made one. So, when one of you is gone, that leaves a half. Easy math, and the reason why I miss my husband. Half of me is not presently here. And I am thankful that I miss my husband and I am not glad to see him gone. And I pray the day never, ever comes when I wish to be apart from Scott.
Now, I know I will get responses of "oh, you're just a newlywed! how cute!" But, I will say, I am uber-thankful for women like Judy, Ashlie, Dinah, Denise, Lisa, Christen, Donna, etc. who understand this and realize it is absolutely a God-given desire to be with your husband, and who encourage me to rest in Christ at this time, not to forget about it and be thankful for time alone. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the women of my church. I dont know what kind of wife I would be without them. And I am also going to be bold (although my mom would hate this) and say I have never seen a better picture of a submissive, gentle, and loving wife than my mommy. She says I dont see her at her worst sometimes, but, regardless, I think the work Christ has accomplished in my parent's life is awesome. Like, really awesome, not just "dude thats awesome."
All this to say, I love my husband and I am thankful for what Christ has accomplished in our marriage. :)
"Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33
I think what ultimately worries me is how lightly we take our marriages. My dearest friend Cat and I have been discussing the rampant adultery we have been seeing all too often in people we know's marriages. It just makes me absolutely sick. I know it is only by the grace of God that Scott and I continue to be faithful and love each other more every day, and that is what I pray in everyone's marriages. I just hate that adultery is out there, along with other marital issues. I think this is in Reforming Marriage(and this is often said): Men are always willing to abdicate (give up) their role, and women are always willing to take it. I am so, so weary of men who abdicate their role as a father and a husband, leaving the women to pick up the pieces. I have to pray against being angry at these men. That kind of abdication is unbiblical (as is my anger!). And I am also weary of women thinking independently from their husbands (also unbiblical). Upon marriage, we are made one. So, when one of you is gone, that leaves a half. Easy math, and the reason why I miss my husband. Half of me is not presently here. And I am thankful that I miss my husband and I am not glad to see him gone. And I pray the day never, ever comes when I wish to be apart from Scott.
Now, I know I will get responses of "oh, you're just a newlywed! how cute!" But, I will say, I am uber-thankful for women like Judy, Ashlie, Dinah, Denise, Lisa, Christen, Donna, etc. who understand this and realize it is absolutely a God-given desire to be with your husband, and who encourage me to rest in Christ at this time, not to forget about it and be thankful for time alone. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE the women of my church. I dont know what kind of wife I would be without them. And I am also going to be bold (although my mom would hate this) and say I have never seen a better picture of a submissive, gentle, and loving wife than my mommy. She says I dont see her at her worst sometimes, but, regardless, I think the work Christ has accomplished in my parent's life is awesome. Like, really awesome, not just "dude thats awesome."
All this to say, I love my husband and I am thankful for what Christ has accomplished in our marriage. :)
"Submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:22-33
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
And the sun rises...
... I am so thankful for the Lord's blessings. I shall name them.
1. Scooter's video of Barney doing the souldja boy. Made me smile, even though it is a lil inappropriate in the lyrics...
2. Scott arrived home safely last Friday BUT was sent out for 2 STINKIN months to Orlando. Stink, stink, stink. I threw a HUGE fit and guess what? It did no good, he is still gone. :) SO, here is where I am and I am thankful that although the first night I slept exactly 1.25 hours (again, being alone is not good for someone with panic attacks), I got a full night's rest last night and the Lord is good. But please pray, as for the next 2 months I will only see Scott Friday night- Sunday night. Rigby and I have been doing some awesome bonding, which apparently includes chewing paint off the walls. Hmmm....
3. School is getting into a good flow of things.
4. I gained 0.4 this week. Yuck, but I started my period, too, so I am still not discouraged and am having a great week thus far.
5. I can not describe how thankful I am for my friends, and my family. Last week Gena and Sara both stayed with me. One night, I had a migraine and Gena cooked and babied me and was fabulous. On top of that, I have received emails, phone calls, facebook messages and loving hugs from my friends at church and my family. Thanks to all of you, you have no idea what an impact it has made on me and what a great showing of the gospel has been displayed through your love and prayers. I know it is part of why I have had a good restful night and I am exceedingly thankful. Love you guys.
The Lord is so good, so good to me. I have so much to praise Him for and I am surprised my last post was so negative. Please continue to pray for Scott as he is away, alone (not even with people from his office), and for me as I am here. Pray for the Lord to protect our hearts, our marriage and integrity in it, and that we would be faithful to read and pray every night together. This truly has been the most trying time ever, and it has only been two days. But I know the Lord is working. :)
1. Scooter's video of Barney doing the souldja boy. Made me smile, even though it is a lil inappropriate in the lyrics...
2. Scott arrived home safely last Friday BUT was sent out for 2 STINKIN months to Orlando. Stink, stink, stink. I threw a HUGE fit and guess what? It did no good, he is still gone. :) SO, here is where I am and I am thankful that although the first night I slept exactly 1.25 hours (again, being alone is not good for someone with panic attacks), I got a full night's rest last night and the Lord is good. But please pray, as for the next 2 months I will only see Scott Friday night- Sunday night. Rigby and I have been doing some awesome bonding, which apparently includes chewing paint off the walls. Hmmm....
3. School is getting into a good flow of things.
4. I gained 0.4 this week. Yuck, but I started my period, too, so I am still not discouraged and am having a great week thus far.
5. I can not describe how thankful I am for my friends, and my family. Last week Gena and Sara both stayed with me. One night, I had a migraine and Gena cooked and babied me and was fabulous. On top of that, I have received emails, phone calls, facebook messages and loving hugs from my friends at church and my family. Thanks to all of you, you have no idea what an impact it has made on me and what a great showing of the gospel has been displayed through your love and prayers. I know it is part of why I have had a good restful night and I am exceedingly thankful. Love you guys.
The Lord is so good, so good to me. I have so much to praise Him for and I am surprised my last post was so negative. Please continue to pray for Scott as he is away, alone (not even with people from his office), and for me as I am here. Pray for the Lord to protect our hearts, our marriage and integrity in it, and that we would be faithful to read and pray every night together. This truly has been the most trying time ever, and it has only been two days. But I know the Lord is working. :)
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